What Does it Mean To Be Normal?

I’m very happy at the Supreme Court ruling in favor of gay marriage.  If people are loving, and happy… that is a family.  Worthy of tax benefits and shared health insurance.

A part of me is kind of evil though.  I’m not gay, so it doesn’t “affect” me.  I mean, I’ve been very open to the concept.  Experimented, went to some groups in the Gay Center in the village, frequented Cubbyhole… I was incredibly open-minded to the idea that I could possibly be gay, but I eventually realized that it was not who I was.

It goes to show, that you don’t get “infected” by being around gay people.

Truly, to me… it’s rather boring.  Not in that being gay is invalid.  But… it’s just another variant of normal.  Like, a married couple at home with a dog laying in front of the TV.  The baby cries, and someone picks it up and feels its diaper for poop.  Wow.  That is so evil.  People, at home, caring for a baby.  That is too boring to be evil.

For me, the whole concept of family is boring.  And these days… even dating.  The idea of being chained to another person, regardless of gender… it is not motivating to me.  Maybe I am sounding depressed.  But also… I’m just saying what’s true in my heart.  I’ve been burned by people that I cared about, who didn’t care about me back.  If I think about it, this has nothing to do with gender.  Whatever one’s sexual preference is… that can happen to anyone.  Not being liked back, by a person you have feelings for.

These days, I’m trying to think… what is my mission in life?  What makes me motivated?  For many, having a family is a motivation.  Having children.  A life partner.  Or maybe more than one life partner.  Who knows.  For me… what do want?  What would make me happier, beyond anything?

I think… making a difference in the world.  I don’t want to have children.  But I would love to open a high school one day.  A place where teens would not be pressured into having sex to be cool.  A place where teens wouldn’t have to dress in designer labels to gain respect.  A place where teens could ask questions without fearing that they sound “too smart.”  It would be… a place where teachers would open up their lives to their students.  So that it’s not just “Do what I say, not as I do…”  But instead it would be just, people, sharing themselves, and mutual respect.  A boarding school.  Where teachers would be eloquent examples of what it is to be human.

And mental health… that would be a BIGGIE.  The teachers would be experienced with mental illness in their own lives… peers.  They’d open up about their struggles and triumphs to their students, so that they don’t feel alone.  And also… I think there should be some “normal” people too.  Peers and “non-peers.”  Mixed.  Kind of like special-ed/integrated classes.  So that those unaffected by mental illness can also become more open-minded.

I fancy myself evil, primarily because I don’t have anything to live for.  No desire for kids.  No significant other, and no desire to find one.  Why do I work then?  To support… myself?  Isn’t that selfish?

Lately, I think my mission is not only to advocate for mental health rights.  I also want to advocate for the personhood of teenagers.  I want to help teens prove to the world that they are not rebels.  They actually desperately want to fit in.  That’s how I felt in high school.  I wanted to be accepted by everyone around me.  I felt like a loser because I knew, deep down, that I was different.  I couldn’t smile like the other kids.  There was nothing to smile about.

I think that, if I can help improve the lives of teenagers, then that would give the world another chance.  Because right now, everything is messed up.  We see celebrities on TV, models in magazine ads.  They tell us what it means to be attractive.  The internet is full of porn.  It’s disgusting.  Not because of the nakedness… it’s disgusting because all these people… they’re making billions and billions of dollars off of us.

They tell us what to think.  They tell us that we are ugly and wrong, and that we need their clothes to be worthy.  We need their makeup.  Perfume.  Cars.  Beer.  Cigarettes.  We need them to tell us what is in style, because we can’t think for ourselves.

And people buy into it.  And if you go crazy… well that’s your fault.

In my opinion, this is what evil is.  Forcing people to live a way that is unnatural.  Gay marriage… is NOT this.  Gay marriage… that is allowing people to live in a way that is natural.

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